


Will I ever find the words to make him stay

by Ifeoma



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: 4x1, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-19 22:09:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1485889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ifeoma/pseuds/Ifeoma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I try to stand but my body doesn’t move. I try to call after him. But no words escape my lips. So I sit there watching until he’s gone.</p><p>- Mickey spends time alone, with his wife, and then in a dream. The fiic takes place  4x1 before MIckey goes into the Bathroom to fin Ian's picture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Will I ever find the words to make him stay

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first ever fanfic. I wrote this after being inspired by season 4 of shameless and reading so many beautiful stories on this forum. My Fic takes place during 4x1. I wanted to try and describe what Mickey was doing and how he felt before going into the bathroom to look at Ian's picture. I hope you all enjoy my story as much as I have enjoyed yours. Feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.

It’s dark in my room. I am standing at my window. Gazing at the sky. The moon is bright and full. I raise my hand to the light and it illuminates. I stare at the tattoo on my knuckles. It’s stupid. I wish I never fucking got it. I grab a cigarette put it to my mouth, light it, and inhale. I look down at the street lights. One of the lights must be faulty because it’s flickering. I watch it flicker. I listen to the L race by, it’s loud but comforting. I take another drag from my cigarette, inhaling deeply.  
It is a little past midnight. * I’ve been staring out my window for a while. It’s early but I think I might go to bed. I hear a noise, a girl laughing. I look off into the distance toward the laughter. I see Sean from up the block chasing that girl he’s been messing with from the neighborhood. I forget her name. I watch them. The girl grabs a bag from Sean’s hand and runs toward the L. Sean chases the girl. The girl runs weaving between the street lights occasionally turning to taunt him. Sean catches her, snatches the bag, and swings her over his shoulder. She playfully beats on his back.  
“Let me go, let me go,” The girl giggles.  
Sean drops the bag to the ground, pats the girl on the ass, and then spins her around. The girl laughs. I smile and take another drag from my cigarette. Sean sets her down. The girl beats softly on his chest. He wraps his arms around her waist and kisses her forehead, then her checks, and finally her lips. The girl wraps her arms around Sean’s waist and leans into his side. They stand there for a moment, with their arms wrapped around each other. Sean picks up the bag and wraps his free arm around her shoulder. They then walk together toward the L. I watch them until they are no longer visible. I feel embarrassed. I shouldn’t have watched. 

*  
I am lying in bed now. Its past 2. I can’t sleep. The door creeks open. My wife sticks her head in.  
“You sleeping?” she asks.  
I say nothing. She walks in shutting the door behind her. I hear her undressing. I feel her lift the blanket and lay next to me. My body tightens. She brushes her hand against mine. I don’t move my hand. Her skin is cold, she begins to speak.  
“After work, me and girls go to Alibi. It fun thought you be there. I no drink because of baby, but girls drink plenty for me. Maybe after baby come me and you go to bar and I show you how I get so good at drinking.” She laughs and continues, “I like America, spa not so bad.”  
“They don’t pay you shit,” I blurt out.  
“Today I make 220 dollars, that not so bad. When I young back home my family very poor. Much worse than this neighborhood. No money for food. Just fucking potatoes. I hate fucking potatoes. Winter long and cold like here. But no coats. House cold, everything fucking cold. One day when warm. You know before summer, when flowers start to grow. My father take me to shop and buy me pretty yellow dress and ribbon. He take me to candy place and let me buy chocolate. We sit in park on grassy hill under big beautiful tree and watch children play all day. I eat all chocolate, myself. Day so warm and I feel how you say?  
“What fucking happy,” I whisper.  
“Da, yes happy, but more, this most happy day I ever have. Next day Father wake me early before others, tell me now I am woman. I must work. He take me to man house. Father say I stay here now to work. He leave, last time I see him. I start working then. Other girls in the house teach me how to work. Man bad, beat girls, beat me. Man tell me father give me to him for 300 dollars. Later man sell me to Sasha and I come here. ” She sighs. “You not like man. You different. You take care of me and baby.”  
“Yeah,” I grunt.  
She moves her hand under my palm squeezing my fingers lightly. I let it stay there for a second. I released my hand from her grip and turn to my side.  
“Me and you be ok, it not so bad.” She whispers.  
“Ok,” I mummer. 

*  
I’m pretty sure I’m dreaming now. I am sitting on a grassy hill, looking out at what I think is Lake Michigan. The water is vibrant blue, clear, and beautiful. There are a couple speed boats racing down the lake. There are kids playing, flying kites, and running. Other people are sitting on blankets eating, embracing, or talking. The Sun is nice and warm. I sit letting the rays wash over my cool skin. It feels great. I’ve never seen the Lake this beautiful. I don’t feel like I belong here. This is nothing like where I come from. I wrestle with the thought of leaving but, something deep in me wants to stay. So I sit there for what seems like an eternity, watching the people, the children, the boats, and enjoying the warmth of the sun.  
Then I sense someone standing over me. A familiar voice says “here.” I look up and see a man. I can’t quit make out his face. He hands me a can. I take it. The can is cool, water drips from it. I put the can down and rub the palms of my hand into my eyes, trying to focus my gaze. I look upon the man. I recognize him now. My heart swells. The man’s face is pale covered with beautiful red specks, his hair is crimson, and his lips are crescent shaped. I know this face better than my own. I think about it often. The man sits next to me, our shoulders and arms touch. He is warm. My heart feels heavy. We sit there for moments. I try to think of what to say. How to ask him to stay. I want to explain why I couldn’t do it before. I want him to know I didn’t understand what we were or what my unfamiliar feelings meant. But words escaped me. I can’t form the sentences. My throat feels dry, coarse, and aches. I try to push words out but can’t. I clear my throat and try to speak but nothing happens just silence. I feel panicked. My voice is gone what if he leaves. I look over at him he’s watching the boats on the lake smiling. He looks magnificent. I fight through the pain in my throat and yell but my words come out as a whisper.  
“Ian, where have you been”? I manage to breathe out.  
“I went to get the beer,” he says pointing at the can on the ground.  
He smiles and wraps his arm around my shoulder. The heat from his body radiates through me. We sit there saying nothing. He opens the beer takes a sip and hands me the can. I take a sip. The beer is cool. It soothes my aching throat. I can feel the beer slide down my throat and into my belly. I feel full, like I had just eaten a large meal. I look over at Ian he’s smiling. I feel content. Suddenly the sun begins to fade. Ian takes his arm off my shoulder and stands. I look at him, his face is no longer clear. He turns and starts walking toward the setting sun. I try to stand but my body doesn’t move. I try to call after him. But no words escape my lips. So I sit there watching until he’s gone. I feel cold. The sun is now gone. It begins to rain. I hear barking I look up toward where the lake once was and see a large grey dog running toward me. I try to stand to run but can’t. The dog is getting closer, barking louder, its teeth glistening. I feel defeated and surrender to my fate. Just as the dog begins to pounce I feel myself wake.  
“You alright, bad dream? You jump up from bed, like you scared,” my wife asks.  
“Fine, gotta piss,” I respond.  
I raise from the bed, open the door and walk down the hallway toward the bathroom.


End file.
